Fading
by morganallisan
Summary: "I've lost control of everything." When Izaya finds out about Shizuo's personal issues, he questions everything he has ever done. Both men are fading fast. Can they find something to breathe life back into them before one of them disappears forever? Disclaimer: I own nothing except OCs.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone first Durarara fanfic! Please enjoy and review. Theme song for this fic is Monster- meg & dia. R&R!**

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I sat there shaking with my head between my knees. The smell of disinfectant stung my nostrils, and the uneven beeping sounds from the next room set my teeth on edge. I felt like passing out, but I forced myself to stay alert. My clothes were starting to stick to me as the blood that had soaked them began to dry. The shock from what had happened was setting in and my body felt numb. I knew he would be alright. He couldn't die, he was a monster after all.

_Earlier that day_

My day was going as most went. I woke just before sunrise and gazed out the window at the world below. As the sun began to rise over the horizon the street lamps flickered out and the streets slowly came to life with the sight of my lovely humans. So predictable in their routines. It was amusing that they could be so content with the normality from day to day. While I was looking down at my world I noticed a girl walking alone oblivious to the guy that stalked her every step. It was so early in the day and yet things had already gotten interesting. A smirk was plastered on my face as the girl was cornered. Now I get to come in and save the day. I loved playing god. Her fate rested solely in my hands. If I chose to let it happen it would. But of course I would save her, because I love humans and this will just add to the many reasons why they love me. I hoped down the stairs practically skipping. I ran down the sidewalk silently until I came to the pair.

"I don't have any money, but you can take the purse." The girl was shaking as she spoke.

"You know that's not what I want." The man put his rough hand out menacingly stroking her cheek.

He pushed her against the wall and forced his mouth onto hers, muffling the sound of her protest.

"As amusing as this is, I think she's had enough." I said stepping out of the shadows.

He took a step back and placed his hand in his pocket. Before he could pull out his weapon I pushed him firmly against the wall, my switchblade pressed to his throat.

"You obviously don't know who I am." I grinned wickedly at him. "How disappointing. However it does make things rather interesting." I released him.

As I did the girl ran for her life and left just the two of us in the alley. Once again the man went to draw his weapon and this time I allowed it. It was only fair. He brought his hand up and pointed a small hand gun toward me.

I giggled. "Humans are so precious."

Before he could pull the trigger, I was behind him with my blade at his throat again. I pressed it hard against his flesh making sure it would break the skin just enough for a thin line of blood to appear.

He gasped. "Who the hell are you?"

"I am your god." I stated plainly pushing him away from me. "Izaya Orihara. Remember it because next time I won't be so nice."

He stared at me, fear filling his eyes.

"Boo!" I jumped at him and he sprinted off in a panic.

I couldn't help but laugh. I loved making people realize how pathetic they are. They need me to put them in their place.

The rest of the morning was uneventful as I roamed the streets of Ikebukuro. Just being down in the midst of all of my humans made me feel accomplished. Only a loving god would mingle so casually with them. I walked around until around 7:00pm. Walking past a bakery the smell of sweets assaulted my nose. I shivered in disgust. I hate sweet things. I didn't;t know how Shizu-chan could constantly eat them.

Shizu-chan...

It had just dawned on me that I hadn't run across him all day. Which was very odd considering he normally could track me like a bloodhound. I shook it off. Even though I enjoyed the chases, they had become rather predictable and a day without one would make things more interesting.

I continued walking and felt something hit my shoulder. I looked up at the sky and saw dark clouds. The setting sun only seemed to add to the dark grey of the clouds. Great I hated rain and walking in the rain at night was ten times worse. As long as it didn't start thundering I would be fine. The rain started to pick up as I got closer to my apartment. I was only a block away now and I began running. I was so concerned with getting out of the ran that I almost didn't see the truck coming down the road. Luckily I stopped just in time and jumped backwards falling back onto the sidewalk. Great now I was really wet. As I went to wipe the water off my hands I noticed it was sticky. I held my hands out so the street lamp could illuminate them. My hands were red.

Blood...

"What the hell?" I cursed out loud.

I stood up and could barely make out the red-tinted stream that was flowing from a nearby alley. I followed it until I found the source of the blood. I had seen alot of horrible things in my life, but nothing could have prepared me for what I saw.

As soon as I saw his clothes I knew it was him. I ran to him and dropped to my knees. His white shirt was almost completely red with blood and the only part of his blonde hair that wasn't covered in the thick liquid was his bangs. Shizuo.

For the first time in my life I didn't know what to do. I frantically searched for the wound that was the source of all the blood loss. There was a bullet hole in his vest and I forcefully ripped open both his vest and shirt at the same time. There was a gun wound in the left side of his chest right where his heart was. I was panicked as I checked for a pulse and couldn't find one. I scooped him up in my arms as I hysterically held his head to my chest.

In my hysteria I hadn't even heard as Celty approached on her horse. She tried to push me off of Shizuo but I held on tightly. She knew she didn't have time to argue, so she enveloped us both in a shroud of black. Everything was silent and completely dark. I closed my eyes and pulled him closer to me. Nothing made sense to me at that moment.

When I opened my eyes I was blinded by the white light of Shinra's apartment.

"Izaya let go!" Shinra screamed at me and before I knew what was happening they tore Shizuo from my arms.


	2. Chapter 2

_Present Time_

_Celty's POV_

"Celty?" Shinra yelled for me from his operating table.

As I entered the room I focused on Shinra so I didn't have to look at Shizuo. Seeing him in such a venerable state was unbearable.

**(How is he?)**

I hesitantly held my PDA up to his face. My hand shaking slightly as I did.

"He's stable." Shinra said calmly with a soft smile. "You should check on Izaya. He seemed really shook up, and get him something to wear."

As I walked out the room I glanced at Shizuo. He was extremely pale and he was hooked up to so many different things I couldn't even begin to tell what was what. He was still unconscious, and that was probably for the best. When he woke up he was going to be furious. If I had arrived a second later... I shook the thought away. He was alive and that's all that mattered now.

I went to Shinra's room and looked for something small enough to fit Izaya. It wasn't like Shinra was all that big, but Izaya was small compared to most men. I rummaged through the drawers and managed to find a black pair of pajama bottoms and a long sleeved white tee. The shirt would be baggy but the pants had a draw string so at least they would stay up.

I walked to the living room where Izaya was curled up in a chair. He had his feet in the seat and his arms were wrapped tightly around his knees. He stared at the wall with a vacant expression.

**(You should get cleaned up. Here is some of Shinra's clothes now go change.)**

I held the clothes out for him to take but he didn't even acknowledge my existence. I placed my hand on his shoulder and shook him gently. The only response I received was him closing his eyes and placing his head between his knees.

I had no idea what I was supposed to do. It was like he wasn't even there. I didn't want to have to get Shinra, I wanted him to focus on Shizuo. Izaya was just in shock of what happened I supposed. The sight in the alley was enough to send anyone into shock, but I never would have guessed that Izaya would be affected like this. He hated Shizuo, but the look he had on his face and the way he was holding Shizuo was haunting. I knew I couldn't just let Izaya sit there.

I picked him up and carried him bridal style and sat him on Shinra's bed. His eyes still showed that his mind was somewhere else. I went to the bathroom and got a bowl of water and a wash cloth. I slowly removed his shirt and saw his chest was completely covered in dry blood. I dunked the wash cloth into the water and lightly began to wipe of his torso. I moved onto his arms and noticed Izaya had several vertical scars trailing down his arms. The scars looked old. He probably got them during his many chases with Shizuo. I never seen him get hit but I'm sure every once and a while he messed up and got hurt. I was almost done washing him off when Shinra walked in.

"Celty what are you doing?" Shinra asked more out of concern than jealousy.

He looked at Izaya and saw that he wasn't responding. He took Izaya's hand and checked his pulse. He looked slightly alarmed as he layed Izaya back into the pillow. He took out a small flash light and shone it into his eyes.

"He's in shock. Celty put a pillow under his feet." Shinra remained calm as he instructed me.

I grabbed the pillow from behind Izaya's head and lowered him gently to the mattress. I propped his feet up and look at Shinra expecting further instruction. But as soon as he opened his mouth an loud continuous beep came from Shizuo's room.

"Damn it!" Shinra ran from the room.

I knew that it wasn't good. Just then Izaya sat up in a panic.

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_Izaya's POV_

My mind was blank and my body was numb. I had no idea what was going on. Until I heard something that brought me back to reality.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

"Oh shit!" I sat up ready to run.

I tried to get off the bed, but Celty caught me and held me tight. The beeping still ringing in my head. It was over. I knew what that sound meant and I had to see him. I managed to get out of Celty's hold and I ran through the apartment. I found the make shift hospital room and burst through the door pushing the curtain aside. Shinra was frantically working on Shizuo.

"Celty get Izaya out of here!" Shinra didn't even bother looking up at me. He continued trying to get Shizuo's heart going.

Celty grabbed me but I pulled away. I ran to Shizuo's side.

"I didn't do this! I swear I didn't do this!" I kept screaming at him over and over again.

I felt like I was losing my mind. I had no control over this situation. I was helpless and all I could do was yell.

"Celty!" Shinra pushed me away and I fell to the floor.

I got back up and ran back to his side and slapped him hard across the face. A familiar beeping sound picked back up and then another. Relief filled my body. Then I felt a dull pain in the back of my head, and darkness consumed me.

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**Please Review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Song for this chapter Alone- Eyeshine. Remember to Review!**

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_Shizuo's POV_

_Day of the Accident_

No one ever told me that it was ok to get upset, to cry, to bleed. No, instead I held it all in all the time until eventually I broke. It pushed me past my breaking point and it just hurt too bad this time. Did I deserve this? No one would be able to answer that. I just knew it had to end. I was tired of being a monster. Tired of walking down the street and everyone turning away from me for fear that I'd snap. This time though, I had given them a reason to call me a monster. I screwed up and there was no one to blame but myself.

Earlier that Day

Waking up each morning was getting harder and this morning was no exception. Yesterday had been hellish to put it lightly. What was I thinking? That was the problem. I wasn't thinking just as I never did. I got mad because some random guy spilled his coffee on me. At least I didn't kill him….. but what really bothered me was the fact that I couldn't afford anymore bills. Hospital bills, property damage bills, and my own personal bills were too much for me to keep up with. I mean hell I can't even wake up before sunrise because I couldn't pay my electric bill.

I knew today wouldn't be any better, but I had to go to work. I skipped breakfast because I don't have a speck of food in my kitchen. I dressed in my normal attire and walked out the door. Tom waited for me at the normal spot and I arrived perfectly on time, for once.

"Hey man." I said half-heartedly, throwing my hand up at him.

"We have a lot of work today." He smiled at me.

He enjoyed this job, unlike me. I only did it because it was the only thing I was good at. My anger issues were useful in this profession, and that's all I ever wanted. To be good for something.

"_You're nothing but a monster! You'll never do anything right!"_ My dad's voice echoed in my head.

I quickly shook away the thought. One day at a time. Just had to take it step by step, and one day everything would fall into place.

The day started off simple. People paid without much fuss and I hadn't had to throw anything all day. But just when I thought i was going to have a decent day, this douchbag pulled out a gun. I didn't even know the man's name. All I knew was he held a black gun to Tom's head.

All rationality was thrown out the window. Rage took over and I quickly grabbed the gun out of the man's hand and threw it on the ground. He released Tom and started to run away. I grabbed him by his shirt and before I could throw him against a nearby wall, he grabbed a hold of my hair for dear life. In my hurry to get him off of me, I slung him hard not paying attention to which direction he was flung in. And that's when I heard the screaming. I turned to find a crowd quickly forming around the man. Its not like people weren't used to me throwing men around.

I pushed my way through the crowd to see what all the fuss was about. I expected to see the man unconscious and battered, but what I saw made my heart sink. Underneath the man I could see a small figure dressed in pink. I hurried to push the man away to reveal a small girl, no older than six, crumpled on the ground bleeding and unconscious. I picked her up knowing I had to do something. She was breathing slightly and her pulse was faint. I heard sirens approaching and knew I had to run. I gently handed the girl off to Tom and started running.

"Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!" That was the only thing that I could manage to think as I ran. Running past an alley I found the gun I had tossed away from the man. I don't know why, but I stopped long enough to pick it up. I had no idea what to do or where to go. I just kept running.

It was getting dark by the time I realized I had ran all the way to Shinjuku. I wasn't far from Izaya's apartment. Subconsciously I suppose killing Izaya was what I thought would fix everything. I stopped in my tracks.

No one else was going to get hurt because of me. Not even the flea.

I knew what needed to be done. I ran inside the nearest building, which just so happened to be a condemned apartment building. I managed to find my way to the roof. I walked to the edge. Gun in hand I stepped closer to the edge. I knew shooting myself wasn't going to kill me, but maybe if I was unconscious I would bleed out before my body could respond. I took out my phone, my only friend had the right to one final text. I was too far away for anyone to stop me, so a little heads up wouldn't change anything.

I typed in Shinra's number. I kept it simple.

**(Thanks for everything over the years, but I'm done.)** My hand shook slightly as I pressed send.

I stood at the edge trying to figure out the best way to do this. I looked out at the surrounding buildings and saw Izaya's apartment was in sight. I couldn't help but smirk.

"Looks like you win buddy. And you even have a front row seat." Tears started rolling down my face as I spoke.

My chest ached and I knew that the pain needed to end. I took a deep breath and held the gun to my chest. There's only one way to kill a monster. I turned with my back facing the ledge. As I placed my finger on the trigger everything that fueled my agony flooded my mind.

"_Useless."_

"_Scary"_

"_You could have killed your brother!"_

"_Monster."_

"_Monster"_

"_Monster"_

"_Shizu-chan isn't human, he's a monster and that's why I hate you so much."_

One final heart break, and then nothing.


End file.
